Obeying the Rules this new year!

And you thought resolutions were all about weight loss and cleaned closets! That is so last year! I’m through setting myself up for failure and will now concentrate on important things like . . . the proper use of Q-tips!
I ask you, what do you think of when you hear the word Q-tip? I said, “What do you think of when you hear the word Q-tip?” Clean out your ears! Yah –  me, too! But that’s not what Q-tips are for. It says right on the package, and I quote:
Do not insert swab into ear canal.
I’m not kidding, here. Pretty much, the only thing we all use Q-tips for is the thing they don’t  want you to use them for! What are they used for then?  (you might ask yourself, or someone sitting next to you, or your dog, anyone?) Well, they tell you right on the package! 20151231_153611
It looks like you’re supposed to touch   1.) your eyebrow, 2.) your computer keyboard, 3.) your baby’s nose (don’t go in there, either!!) or  4.) scrub your entire shower with one. Wow – that will take all year! And here I’ve been mis-using them all along. No more! I will obey the rules this new year.
Just like when I give myself a perm, there’s a plastic bag that you place over your head – no, not over the face – to ‘cook’ the curl into your hair? Well, it says right there in the directions to throw the bag away when you’re finished. And here it is, just about the right size to store a head of lettuce! But No-o-o-o-o! You have to throw the perfectly good, sulfur smelling bag away when you’re done. Some things just go against my instincts, yah know?
I’m getting better at throwing away stuff – but I hope to get real good at it during 2016! Just this morning I was thinking that I may have mascara older than my oldest grand daughter. That would be twelve. And I found some candy in a kitchen drawer that said ‘best by 2002’. Do I win a contest for that?
Cleaning out and throwing away will be my projects for 2016. I shall clean like I mean it! Or, better yet, I will throw away those things that I don’t want to leave for others to deal with, should this be my last year on earth. Wait a minute – that sounds like a resolution to get ORGANIZED! Darn it, I tricked myself again.
Time to get a Q-tip and start cleaning the shower!

The joys of hearing loss . . . or ‘the boys have hairy floss’

Having lived with a husband who is hard of hearing, I have learned to speak with a distinct cadence in my speech, and try to face him when we talk. If I don’t, there is danger to be had, and a few good laughs, too.
For example, there was nothing on 185 channels of TV the other evening (SHOCK!) I made a suggestion as to what we may both enjoy – together – neutral ground, so to speak. Something that didn’t involve, say, a mother gazelle watching her offspring getting run down and ripped apart by a lion, so to speak. I suggested America’s Funniest Home Videos. We enjoy a good laugh at someone else’s stupidity as much as the next guy. The only problem is, I was standing in the kitchen when my distinct cadence traveled down the short hallway to the living room and bounced into my beloved’s one good ear. I distinctly said, “How ’bout funniest home videos?” which was followed by a short pause and then this reply, “They have a show about that?”
“About what?”
“Twenty pound dingos?”
And this is my life.
We don’t watch TV here, we read TV. The closed captioning is a wonderful invention, mind you, and I appreciate the clarity it brings to shows. I wouldn’t be able to watch anything on the BBC without it, since the British accent is simply confounding to Dane. Without it, the entire show would be spent with Dane asking, “What did she say?” and me pausing the TV and giving a synopsis of the last conversation with a brilliance that be considered beyond clever – something like, “She said no.”
Closed captioning, (heretofor referred to as CC), has provided many hours of entertainment, also. There are shows that have the worst company providing it, and the words that come up on the screen are nowhere near what was said. We once had a glitch during a ballgame where every third word came up ‘escobar’. While that is the name of a player, he wasn’t in this ball game, but the CC program was obviously a big fan of his.
Our three sons are all relieved to not have inherited their dad’s bad hearing, but instead, have my high octane hearing skills. My middle son claimed I could hear a mouse fart three floors away. This is a slight exaggeration, of course, it’s only two floors, and we don’t have mice – could have been a cricket. Anyway, they all have excellent hearing and good eyesight, for which we are thankful. They don’t have to spend their married lives speaking loudly to their spouses, or interpreting for the TV, and waiters, sales clerks, drive through bank tellers, answering machine messages, sermons, plumbing customers, doctors, radio songs, grandchildren, car inspections, . . .

Anticipation . . . making me wait.

Did I not say there are songs for everything? Well, this season brings it’s own set of ballads and classics that can either make you gag with over-much or make you long for more! Can we strike a balance here?

Once I started raising kids I found myself dropping the habit of listening to the radio. I much prefer to choose my own music since technology offers that option. I can click the computer mouse and play great sounds from my PC that fill the house with LOUD songs of my choice. But at work we have a radio on (Steve FM is an equal opportunity radio station – something for everyone,) and I’ve noticed that, for the most part, the Christmas music is missing there and I find that I do miss it. Do I want it 24/7 like some stations play? Not even! But I find myself missing it to the point that, when I hear it at Walmart, (like I did today), I sang along – loudly – so that everyone knew there were chestnuts roasting on an open fire! What may have been unnoticeable background music for the next guy became the center of my world for 2 1/2 minutes at a time.
I need Perry Como at this time of year. I want Karen Carpenter to say that ‘logs on the fire fill her with desire’ in her rich, beautiful alto voice. I want to rock around the Christmas tree that I haven’t had time to put up, yet!
Part of this need is that the songs lighten up the stress load that Christmas can bring. It shouldn’t, I know, but it does. Joining in with all of my co-workers singing “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas” tends to make the stress go away for that brief time.
Burl Ives brings the Holly and the Ivy before my mind’s eye and his classic rendition warms my soul. I cannot hear the line in ‘Mary did you know?’ about kissing the face of God without tearing up.
Music plays a huge part in getting the feel for the season. But I don’t want it to distract from the Truth of what it’s all about. Immanuel – God with us. The Lord Jesus Christ being born in human form, enduring 9 months in the womb, including a last trimester donkey ride to Bethlehem because his mother needed to be counted in a census.
Remember, the prophesied Christ child was to be of the lineage of the house of David. Mary’s husband, Joseph, was in the family tree of David – but that was for the human litmus test. We know that Joseph wasn’t the father of Jesus, so His mother had to be of the house of David, also.
The One who controlled the universe subjected Himself to the care of a teenaged girl. Think about that for awhile. He partook of all life’s struggles – the same ones that you and I face – and did so without sinning. All temptations were faced and overcome with the same weaponry available to us – the Word of God. Be amazed.
As we celebrate His birth with the decorations and gifts, (and music!) Take time to thank Him for the greatest gift that anyone ever gave anybody. . . He gave His life to take our punishment so that we could live with Him for eternity.